Stop Keeping People at Arm's Length

How would you feel if someone led themselves on a tour of your home right now? No invitation extended, no set date of their visit to anticipate, no time for last minute tidying, lighting candles, or running a quick vacuum. Imagine they start walking around exactly as it is at this very moment and that a closed door does not deter them from peeking inside every room. If this idea doesn’t make you feel unsettled or fill you with anxiety, you likely did some organizing and cleaning shortly before reading this article. Or maybe you aren’t totally Type A like me and are truly unfazed, in which case you have already learned this lesson that I still struggle with today. If you qualify as one of these wise, Type B homemakers, go ahead and stop reading now.  For all who could feel their mind begin to race at the prospect of an unexpected gaze at the home they dwell in, this one is for you.

I should begin by saying this is in fact not a story based on a hypothetical. It happened in reality just a few days before writing this piece.

As the school year came to a close, I found myself the week after Easter enjoying spring break, a time that I fully basked in as the preview to my life as a stay-at-home mama. The week was wonderful and has had no shortage of giggles or snuggles with my son. It was true nourishment for my soul to get this time with him. We balanced cozying up at home with “play dates” and visiting friends incredibly well, but as one might expect, balancing cleaning with all the other things that come with caring for a small child was not quite mastered. (This reality inspired me to create a schedule for home maintenance and upkeep to guide me in the next chapter of life, but that is a story for another day.)

About midway through the week, my mother-in-law called to see if she could stop by with two of her girlfriends who were visiting from New Jersey.  They had come to visit Auburn, Alabama many times, but they hadn’t visited our home. They also had yet to meet Dean, who they had been praying for since before he was even born. Of course, it would be a delight to see them! They would pop in on their way down to Florida for the beach, and I would have plenty of time to clean up all the fun we had been having that morning during Dean’s nap. What a perfect plan!

If you guessed this perfect plan would have a wrench or two thrown into it, you would be correct. Dean’s nap required some extra snuggling to get him the sleep he needed, and the morning totally got away from us in the best way possible. Next thing I knew, my mother-in-law’s car was in the driveway, and in she came with her two friends. So much joy was shared in their meeting Dean. As we began to settle into the living room, one of the New Jersey natives said, very matter of factly “I need a tour of your home,” and immediately started on her walk through. When I got up to come with her and offered her a formal tour (as though our tiny, sweet home needed such a formality), she breezed by saying “Oh no, you don’t need to! I’ll just look around.” In an instant everything that was out of place flashed into my memory. Dean’s nursery had clutter on the dresser, toys and books in disarray, and rogue hangers in odd places. Our guest room right next door had an unmade bed with clean sheets and bedding piled messily on top. Thankfully I had recently organized our master closet, but our bathroom countertop was still filled with a random assortment of my own accessories and Ryan’s hygiene products. A light dusting of dog hair covered the floor, and the kitchen counters had their daily collection of crumbs sprinkled on top.  My anxiety started to take control… except, no it hadn’t.

What shocked me even more than the unprecedented and unguided snoop around was the fact that my anxiety did not in fact spike. My heart rate stayed steady. I didn’t scramble to apologize or make comments like “Please pardon our mess,” or “Please don’t judge the stuff everywhere”. This sweet little Italian lady marched herself all over our home, in all its glory, and it was totally fine. I was totally unshaken. After concluding her self-paced tour, she rejoined our conversation in the living room and cordially gushed over the beauty of our home. The surprises just kept coming when I willingly accepted her gracious remarks without so much as an “Oh thank you, I promise it’s normally much neater” rolling off my tongue. Dean appreciated having an audience to entertain, and we had a lovely visit before they hit the road for their journey.

In the days that followed the true victory of this moment began to sink in. Had I begun to accept the age-old adage that it’s okay to leave the housework sometimes? I can say with certainty after many weeks have gone by that this is still a mental and physical battle that is waged daily. Were my prayers to be a more gracious host who is more attentive to her guests than the items on the list that need tending to? In this particular instance, absolutely. God is good all the time! Even when you are a recovering control freak.

The nugget of wisdom the Lord has so generously offered me from this moment is this: Invite people into your messy. God left the messiness in the story of salvation. Why are we so quick to wish away our messiness? Don’t let your own pride and foolish misconception that you can do it all rob you of meaningful connections forged out of vulnerability and imperfections. Don’t let “should” rob you of your joy or build walls in your relationships.

As for me, I will continue pleading with the Holy Spirit to purge my heart of the vanity and pride that fuel my desire to have it all together. Maybe this is your sign to implore Him for the same help.