Are you afraid of your feelings?

We all need those people in our lives. You know, the ones who call you on your stuff. The ones who aren’t afraid to hurt your feelings if it means delivering the truth you need to hear. The ones who are going to be real. The difference between these people and just anyone who will offer you a critical word at the drop of a hat can seem small, but we all know how tremendous this difference actually is. 

Those people for me include my husband, my trusted group of girl friends, and my spiritual director. These are the people I have prayed for, the ones who keep me on the narrow path, the path that leads closer to our Lord and His kingdom. They deserve their own post entirely (to be continued another day). These are the people who know me so well, oftentimes better than I know myself. They love me deeply and are earthly windows into the Father’s love for me.

If you are so blessed as to have these sorts of people, you know that the Lord often speaks through them, and it can sometimes take you by surprise. 

Not too long ago, my husband and I were speaking with the priest who married us, turned friend, turned spiritual director. During conversation, he very clearly noticed our tendency to push down negative feelings. My first thoughts were, “Duh, aren’t we supposed to do that? Isn’t feeling negatively about something or someone disrespectful to God who provides for us in all circumstances and carefully weaves together every aspect of our lives? If I feel negatively about something, doesn’t it mean I am ungrateful? Or that I don’t trust God to make all things new?” 

He very lovingly offered us some formation: Our feelings are not sinful, he said, and the more we try to ignore them or bottle them up, the more we are missing the messages that our feelings can send us, however conscious or subconscious they may be. As we leaned into this sound advice, we would come to realize that these feelings can often pinpoint our perceptions of the world, but more importantly about who we think God is.

Sometimes our feelings can try to swallow us up or rule our decision making. In those instances, prudence is needed to know when to turn the other cheek or disregard. But what my husband and I have been called to work on is honoring the feelings that we experience without suppressing them in some sort of knee-jerk reaction. Instead of reacting and throwing away negative feelings, this is my prayer these days.

This (insert negative experience/emotion) isn’t good, but God you are good. 

Lord, I love you, and I know you love me. Even when…

The baby doesn’t nap great

I don’t get that one task or chore done that I wanted to

People disappoint me

I fall and screw up in the same way that I have a million times

I am not experiencing success in the way I thought I would/should

Lord, the love I have for myself is so easily distorted, but the love You have for me is unfailing. In fact, you love me even more when I rely on you and trust in you rather than digging my heels in a little more to force my own list to get done.

When things don’t go to plan or aren’t as good as we hoped they would be, why do we automatically assume that we need to push along and throw these experiences and emotions away? Instead of ignoring the signs God gives us under the guise of our own emotions, we need to train ourselves to identify our feelings and use them as pathways to a deeper understanding of who our Father is.